James 1:2-4: ‘Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. ‘
I have always considered myself a broken person. I looked at my past and felt shame and unworthy of things. This narrative has been inside my head and heart for as long as I can remember. I would strive to be everything for everyone in order to feel worthy and appreciated. It was exhausting and IMPOSSIBLE.
There would be weeks and months that I felt so down and unsure where to go. I would cry because I wasn’t sure what was next. I would look around and feel like I wasn’t connected. I went through life not feeling really seen. I felt that the love that people showed me was for the facade that I put on and that they would just leave when I could no longer keep it up.
The night I went running and felt the loving arms of Jesus wrap around me and hear the soft whisper on my heart “Welcome Home” forever changed the course of my life.
Since that night I have learned so much. I have found a community that I feel seen in. I have learned that people truly love me. I have learned that being broken is not a bad thing. You see I am still broken. However, the brokenness that I feel is not my weakness but my strength.
Currently, I am going through a book that talks about this idea of praying for God to break us. When James tells us that whenever we experience various trials and it produces endurance, he is talking about being broken. If we allow God to break us, He is going to bring us deep into relationship with Him. Through the brokenness we are able to grow.
When I read through this idea I was taken aback. Through the years I always said that my past has been hard but that it made me stronger. In a way this is true because through the many trials I have grown. Whether I knew that it was God providing me a blessing and calling me closer at the time, I can now look back and see the truth.
There are still days that I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me. That I am lacking in some way. I am not fully spiritually mature. God is still using me. He is still going to break me and teach me. While it is not easy to be broken coming out of it and growing is something that I am excited about.
I believe that this call to go on World Race is going to be a challenge. God is going to break me and grow me in new ways. My dependence solely on Him will grow. I will be able to help so many people. I will get to see things that never in a lifetime did I think would be something I would do. It is something I feel totally unqualified for and is a reason I need to go. I am beautifully broken and asking God to “break me”, so I can grow in my faith even more.
The month of May has me hitting the ground running! I am currently running two fundraisers. I ask that you prayerfully ask God to partner with me. Partnering with me brings you into this journey with me.
My first fundraiser is the Adopt-A-Box. The rules are you pick the box number, donate that amount ONE TIME and send me your favorite emoji(s) to fill in the box.
The second one is my t-shirts through fund the nations. I am collecting pre-orders through June 1st, 2020: please contact me if you would like one (or 10)
Thank you all so much who have already supported me and those who continue to pray for myself and my squad. I love y’all!
