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Authentically His

 

When I heard that God calls us to live life together it has always been easy for me to immediately think of a romantic relationship. However, this season post-divorce has taught me what authentic friendships are. That friendship is where true love can lie. I used to feel that I had a hard time connecting to people. That I was never really seen. It was this belief that I held deep to my heart. It started when I was young and was a coping mechanism to prevent people from hurting me by leaving. Then when I went to college and got involved with a college ministry I felt like no one really cared about me. I fell into a depression that stuck around for several years. When I stopped showing up and no one reached out to see what was up I took that as validation that no one knew me and they did not care (which was not the case).

 

So when I moved to a new city where I knew NO ONE and unsure how to make real friends I was terrified. You see moving to the city is something that I have wanted to do for as long as I can remember. So while I was reeling over the fact it was coming true the idea of not being seen kept coming back. Now its been a little over a year when Jesus met me down on the pier at 2 am. He hugged me and met me where I was in my brokenness and feeling so lost. He told me that He loved me. That I was His daughter and that I was right where He wanted me to be. That was the first moment that I knew I needed to get serious about my relationship with Jesus. Over the next several months since that I night I got rebaptized, I met some of my closest wisest friends and I learned what living a life surrendered over to God could look like. Now don’t get me wrong I am not perfect and there are still days that I struggle. Through the relationship with Jesus, I learned that to have authentic, deep loving friendships that I needed to also be authentic. I never imagined that God would completely change me at that moment. That the friendships that I am currently growing and so so thankful for are just another way that He shows me that I am loved. That I am SEEN.

 

Now that I am moving back to Texas I can feel a little fear. The enemy is attacking trying to keep me from what God has planned. I am learning now what it means to fight under spiritual attack with the HELP from other believers. I know that others also struggle with this idea of being seen, heard, and known. I pray that God meets you in your pain and comforts you. I pray that you can feel overwhelming peace knowing that He loves you and His graces covers you. That people do love you, see you, and know you. Something I have felt heavy on my heart is being there authentically for people. Growing and caring. I would love to have coffee (in person or virtual) and get to know you. You are not meant to do life alone. 

 

8 Comments

  1. Brb, crying. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS POST! I feel it in my heart and can relate sooo much to it. Thank you for sharing, can’t wait to do this thing with you next year!

  2. You are never alone, and wise beyond your years. I’m so proud of your decision to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.
    Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
    Love you kiddo.

  3. I love you too! I am honored to get to go and serve God in this way, and excited to see Him move in that time.

  4. Alex, Another beautiful read. You are revealing your true self in these blogs and it is marvelous to know that you are strong enough to be vulnerable. It’s apparent you are walking with Jesus and I know the Father is so proud of his beautiful daughter!

    I love you precious,
    Momma V

  5. Your love for our Lord fills my heart with joy. I too have the same feelings of being alone and have never been able to make friends easily. God be with you on your journey this next year, I am sure you will grow tremendously in your faith. Love you and so very proud to be your aunt.

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